wordless

i have had a serious craving for chocolate truffles
and a tall glass of ice cold milk
and cheese
and all that talk yesterday
of ice cream
really had my tastebuds going.
so you can imagine my pure delight last night
when i reached back into my pantry
and found these
old, stale
but still decadently delicious
dark belgian chocolate chips.
i ate way too much.
...maybe that is why i couldn't get out of bed this morning.
but not to worry,
i'm staying {pretty} strong.

peace

please don't tell me that i'm a bad mom
for wanting to just once
use the bathroom
without someone coming to the door
and banging on it
asking me what i'm doing in there.
or wanting to just once
open the front door
without a stampede of feet
and a scrambling to put
flip flops on
accompanied with begging
to come with me.
sometimes it's just so much
easier
and quicker
to put the laundry in
or get the mail
or get something from the car
or dump the trash
alone.
does that make me terrible?
for not always allowing my kids
to accompany me
on the learning experience of
putting quarters in the dryer
and sorting the clothes?
because i normally let them come.
but sometimes
i just
don't
want to.

what?

are you kidding me?




really? does victoria's secret think that
someone will actually sport this hideous look.
for FALL?
there has to be some kind of mistake.
it's the only explanation i can think of.
unless this is what the girls are wearing
at universities across the nation.
and if this is the case, america has a serious problem.
apart from it's normal, everyday problems
of laziness, commercialism
and apathy.

detergent for breakfast

but, really.
my whole point of getting on here.
{three hours later}
was to write about this:



we have a very limited amount of storage space.
notice the vacuum on top the sidewalk chalk.
and the broom on top of the $1000 worth of quarters.
most importantly, though,
please draw your eye to the 6 pound bag of pretzels
balanced between the jumbo detergent box
and bread machine.
last month paul was complaining
of his pretzels tasting like detergent.
i thought he was being silly.
until i tasted one. and spit it out.
and we both agreed
he should move his pretzels to a different closet.

so, yesterday i got a bag of oatmeal out of this same closet.
an already opened bag of oatmeal, sealed with a clothespin.
and filled up my empty cannister in the kitchen.
and made my routine morning batch of oatmeal.
and sat down with the kids to eat breakfast.
and noticed that my oatmeal tasted a little odd.
so i looked at my carton of rice milk
and at the brown sugar.
and smelled them both.
and took another bite.
and realized that my oatmeal
tasted
like
laundry detergent.
cheap, generic, costco laundry detergent.
{which by the way is the cheapest and best deal of laundry detergent anywhere.}
but blech.
what in the world? now any and all food items
have been removed from the front closet
and jammed into another closet for safe storage
away from the toxic fume-leaking detergent.

beware of this detergent.

but i'm sure you don't need to worry about this.
and have more storage space than i do.
and can store your wrapping paper
and emergency kits
and cheerios
and toolbox
and box of printer paper
and winter scarves
and rice
all in seperate closets.
instead of jammed into one.
lucky you.


on a side note:
if you would like half a bag of laundry detergent-flavored oatmeal,
i will mail it to you free of charge.

more rock talk

the rock is still a mystery.
even if it did look nice and cementy, blf.
or like a sugar rock, ncs.

in answer to some of your questions:
no, jean knee it did not fall out of my ear.
thank goodness for that..
no, glittersmama, rachelle and justrandi,
paul did not do it. he's not exactly
the kind of husband who pulls pranks.
{don't get any ideas, love. i like it that way.}
and no, tori, i was not tough like nancyface,
and did not finish my bowl of cheerios.
no, thank you.

i did, though, ask ava the next morning {megan} if she
by any odd chance put a rock
in one of the bowls on the top shelf
that she couldn't even reach.
she looked at me like i was a little cuckoo.

and besides, when i pulled the bowl down,
i absolutely would have heard it rolling around
or it would have fallen out and hit me on the head.
top shelf, people.
see what i mean by mystery?

i really think the only way it got in there
was it was already in the box,
put there by one of my children,
and somehow was cushioned
{kimberly, jayci and heffalump}
by the cheerios coming out of the box.

so, i guess if it was put there by a factory worker
i could email the company
and get free cheerios or a gift certificate {chell}
to my grocery store.
but then that could have the potential to
damage the cheerio empire.
and go against paul's wishes.
and what would paul eat if there weren't any cheerios?
really? i'm serious. it's all he eats.
{i don't think he has functioning taste buds.}

wordless

this isn't the best picture.

but, i wish someone would write a poem

about this flower that i found off my deck last month.

about how the anthers of the stamen

precariously

cling to the cottony softness of the petals

before springing up to the center

when in full bloom.

i love this flower.

rock

see this:



it is a mystery.
here's a little bit of pointless background..
every night paul and i watch two episodes of seinfeld
from 10:00-11:00pm.
a couple of weeks ago we were watching the episode
where seinfeld meets janeane garofalo
and falls in love with her.
because she is exactly like him.
cynical, sarcastic, funny.
she ate cereal for breakfast lunch and dinner.
and suddenly while watching, i had this craving for cheerios.
so, i got up during the commercial.
got a bowl down from the top shelf of the cupboard.
poured cheerios and milk.
and then went and sat down on the couch
and proceeded to eat my cheerios
while watching seinfeld.
and about halfway through my bowl of cereal
my spoon hit a big lump.
and my stomach clenched up in fear.
and i gingerly prodded the lump with my spoon.
and produced this ROCK.
for real.
and, to this day, i have no idea how it got there.
because if it was in the box of cereal
i definitely would have heard it come crashing out
and land in the glass bowl
as i poured my cheerios.
right?
or if it was in the bowl in the cupboard
i would have heard it rolling around and
seen it before pouring my cheerios
right?